AUGUST 10, 2018

I don't want to be a helicopter wife. I have toddler twins. I stay home with them every single day. From sun up to sun down I am checking up on them & checking up on my mom. The thought of having to check up on a grown-ass man makes me want to just throw the towel in. He's going to need an accountability partner. He's going to need to tell his mom so she can check up on stuff like that. I can't add anymore people to my check-on list or I will have no time left to check-in with myself.


Taken from a text of his 2 days ago:


"You can hold it over my head if you feel you need to but I don't see anything productive coming from it. I only see pain for our children's future."


Seriously? He seriously said I can hold his porn addiction over his head but if I chose to do that, I'm choosing pain for our children. I can't even with the amount of gaslighting. He's miraculously healed therefore all porn addiction talk is now off limits. GTFOH, husband of mine. I can & will talk about it whenever I please.


The amount of weight I have on my shoulders is unbearable. I can usually handle it. I think I've handled it one too many times & I just lost it. I find myself wondering why I have to be the rational one all of the time..Nothing gets me angrier, than a person with potential literally throwing it away.


It's almost comical the insane amount of shit that was simultaneously thrown my way. I'm an only child, fighting for my only parents life. My husband drops an atomic bomb on me. Oh, those little things running around in the background? Those are the twin humans I had. Those poor things can't have their mommy's undivided attention they so much deserve. Makes me feel like a horrible parent. I'm being pulled in a million directions.


Every morning, I make a choice. To fight.


I will never be a victim. I want my kids to be as strong as their momma. I'll be damned if my son ever does this to his spouse. I'll be even more damned if my daughter ever has to feel the amount of pain I feel