NOVEMBER 19, 2018

Dear Cake,

This realization of whatever cycle you're on, is just now coming to fruition.

Lies of his & protecting an unknown party in your marriage; addiction. Pixels, cameras, degradation came before you, his devoted wife. The lies undermined any communication yet you were blamed. Lies that violated God's divinity of marriage.

For whatever reason, you didn't think any less of your appearance or personality following d-day. It was only when you truly saw that he was choosing a life of sorrow over your family did you really begin to wonder what is wrong with me? You weren't prepared for this confusion, having always been grateful for what your body & mind look like/think like.

Your ego, popped like a balloon. It was a healthy ego. Now you feel overwhelmingly un(anything, really). Unloved, undeserving, unworthy.... you're curious why the delay in self-pity. Nobody invited self-pity to this already sinking ship.

What a weird world. I wish you were stronger in this moment because all you want is to feel his arms around you and tell you how perfect you are.

Maybe in another life....for now, just continue the process.