FEBRUARY 1, 2019

Climbing out of grief, I think. 24 hours of being alone was what the doctor ordered & my God, what this has done for me. I needed that recharge; I was simply exhausted in mind & body & . Nothing good comes from an overly exhausted Cake & wars.

I'm ready for the next battle.

Something/things bother me quite a bit. Maybe it's because I'm clear headed now; out of the fog of addiction/deception/betrayal/etc.

I see these women, married or in committed relationships, as a past version of me. Confused, angry, & can't separate reality from fiction. They say the things I used to think. Why doesn't he care? Why isn't he trying? Why am I the bad guy? He won't listen to me. He blames me. He just gaslit my ass into oblivion, but I'm going to lick his wounds.

To this day, I don't know what did it for me. After he was caught, there were about 3 "good" weeks of "ok" effort on his part. Then, just an absolute nosedive.

Was it because I started pressing about seeing a therapist? Was it because he openly read my honesty & my feelings as my life spiraled out of control? Did he know I was starting to really put the pieces of the puzzle together? Did he get a glimpse of the girl he married? The one that was a unique, free spirit, empathetic, kind, humorous, & deeply sure of her worth....except, this girl he now saw had a backbone he apparently was unaware of & she was not afraid of speaking openly about her journey. Did he know how much more I'd find & took the little boy way out? Who knows....

Point is, I just want to shake some of these women. I want to tell them there is a really big world out there, with amazing people & opportunities...they don't need to kill their souls for someone that just does not have an ounce of empathy in their body. Those aren't the good guys trying...those are the unfortunate men we've unfortunately signed up to be with.

Don't sell your souls to the devil just because yay, you! They say wait a year for a major decision, so just sit there & continue spiraling into wtf is happening to you land...I just know he'll wake up & realize what he's doing.

You have 1 life. Just 1. You are completely in control of that 1 life.

Don't be a doormat. You are here for a reason & it is not to be the savior of a human who doesn't want saving. Go...be free & happy. Someone will love you for you & not ever want to see you hurt. I promise you that.

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