FEBRUARY 12, 2019

I like to people watch. I could sit in an airport all day & just watch other humans doing very human things & having very human feelings. Airports are the best places for these kinds of observations because statistically, for every happy reunion from someone getting off the plane & into the arms of a loved one, there is an equal disaster from the couple with young children & an overbooked flight.

It's amazing to see the stark contrasts in what happiness & utter despair look like in real time. You can see how one event can so easily lead to the things we want in life or the things we'd rather jump out of a plane than have to deal with.

It never fails; after I get kids to bed, I'm left in this transient limbo of happiness & despair. I kind of aimlessly walk around the house talking to the therapist in my head. For too long I have desired one of those pure, get off the plane experiences. For someone to really be happy to see me. To throw their arms around me & tell me how much they love me. Instead, I've been the girl getting the silent treatment because something happened out of my control or for basically existing, in all honesty. I've been the girl that sat seething inside as I was berated & negated while eyes were on every other woman but me. Killing my soul.

These transient limbos 6 months ago would've led to me getting angry at myself for letting it happen, angry at the person for thinking they can treat someone that way, & angry at the happy ones. Nowadays, the transience is short lived & usually consists of the therapist in my head telling me that these are the cards I was dealt. I have to make the best of them. I am in control of the love I receive, the way I receive it, & how I shall give mine.

Nobody puts baby in a corner