FEBRUARY 9, 2019

I am so freaking terrified that this most beautiful of relationships between a mother & her daughter is coming to a close when I need her most.

So, I guess a positive out of this is that I know what's co-driving my sadness.

I've got a lot of tough days ahead. Lots of stages of loss & grief to recycle. Jesus, I wouldn't wish these series of misfortuate events on the devil himself.

Thank God for the babycakes. They are my light & bring me so much joy in the hard times. God & the universe knew what was up when I was blessed with those two pure humans.

I will somehow gather the strength from this mysterious energy well I have attached to me & make it through.

At least when I die at 100 years old I can honestly say my life was anything but boring & I am pretty sure God will be waiting for me with a You made me proud, Cake!, cake......what a surreal & sad experience.

What a humbling experience.

I once worked with a lady who was 86 years old. There were 4 of us girls up front including her... She would sit at her desk using one of those old time calculators that would make this annoyingly loud noise everytime she pushed a button & the paper ran through. She loved to push those buttons.... she'd smoke a pack a day & complain about her husband, who was equally as elderly, not being able to keep up with her. The other girls & I thought she was a riot; fiestiest person I've ever met, full of non-sugarcoated stories/advice about life. She taught us girls a lot about the world & how to handle things thrown our way. There has been one thing she told me that has stuck with me to this day, years later. I was going through a break-up or a fight, can't quite remember, but she said Cake, you just gotta laugh or you'll cry. Don't ever let them see you cry.

So, I live by this. I try to keep some kind of humor in otherwise crappy situations so those situations don't invade the goodness in life. Humor is good. A laugh is way better than eating bon-bons on the couch while sobbing & watching Judge Judy.

God has his hands full with this girl. I bet his angel food cake is to die for.

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