9 years ago, you met your perfect victim. A girl in her 20s, coming out of a pretty intense break-up with her boyfriend of 5 years. She was a sweet girl who preferred stars to skyscrapers. I think Tom Petty wrote a song about her; Free Falling.
You called her your "little hippie" & left thoughtful, meaningful surprises to lure her in. Once you put a ring on your "little hippie", you turned into something she did not recognize. The deceit from your addiction turned this woman who was the epitome of self-love, into a scared, paranoid, angry, resentful, self-loathing, bitter person. For 9 years, you let her fall down that rabbit hole hoping she'd never come back a "sane" person, all in the name of your addiction.
That's why she told you to leave today.
Although you have abstained from pornography and masturbation for the past 3 months, your addictive behavior is more alive than ever.
The biggest mistake you made? Forgetting why you fell in love with her in the first place & who that person was that she fell in love with.
It's not the guy that lays in bed on his phone instead of joining his family; not the guy that continues to make this kind woman feel as though she's at fault for this nuke; not the guy who doesn't show her she's respected, adored, wanted, & comes first in his life.
She gives with her whole being and only wants an effort in return. Actions speak volumes.
For 3 months I have kept your "good guy" image going, not telling anybody in real life because of humility & protecting this "image" of you. The last thing I want is someone thinking negatively about you & you know that. That is why I was the perfect victim.
I wasn't planning on telling anyone but you left me no choice. When I told you to take your ungrateful ass elsewhere today, I didn't think you'd go to the home of our very dear married friends. The wife, one of my closest friends, openly breastfeeds & you know this. You also know, that you have openly stared at women in front of me our entire relationship & admit ogling is a major problem for you.
When I found out you were there, I knew I had to tell my friend the truth. She was going to want to know why I asked her to not breastfeed in front of you while you were there. I texted her the entire list of "offenses" I've compiled over the years. She called me as soon as you left & we sobbed together. You had her fooled, too.
Tough love sucks. However, I feel amazing after letting someone I trust start helping me get this giant elephant off of my back.
So, heads up, secrets out. The laundry has been hung out to dry. Your friends & wife just want the best for your kids. Be a better dad.