OCTOBER 16, 2018

Dear husband,

Today you came home; 48 hours after I told you to get out due to being a dry drunk. It was clear you timed this surprise "Lucy, I'm home" type of arrival, based on your wants & selfish addict behavior. Why didn't you "want to be there for your kids" at 6 o'clock this morning? You missed them so much, you couldn't get home until after I had already packed lunches & snacks? Until I had wrestled them & got them dressed myself? Until you knew I had loaded them up in the truck while it was like a goddamn hurricane in Alaska outside? Until you knew I had made the preschool dropoff? Until you were sure enough time had passed for me to feel bad about telling you to get out? How convenient that you missed the chaos, continuing to take me for granted. I also hate to burst your bubble, but I do not feel one bit of remorse for forcing you to leave because you continue to be this "moral knight" but can't follow your own principles! You are a dry drunk, full of anger & resentment. Being a dry drunk is causing me trauma over & over again. I had to force you to leave FOR MY OWN SANITY. You, my friend, have no business telling me how to behave. Your "irrational & unsupportive spouse" has been the very opposite, you just can't see it.

The girl you're convinced is set on ruining you & everything around you, is actually your angel. Take the fucking blinders off.


For those following the soap opera & his google map whereabouts last night, the story is, he met with his old CEO for a future job prospect. Semi-believable, only because I knew he had talked to this guy on Saturday. We had many healthy conversations about this job opportunity for much of Saturday night.

What I didn't know because he deceived me, was that they had a meeting set-up for last night. He asked at least 10 times between Saturday & midday Sunday if I had checked my calendar to see what worked for me so him & this guy could meet. Every day/night/afternoon I suggested because the times/dates would work best for me, he found a problem with. Not only a problem, but an "OMG you dipshit wife, how could you even suggest that night?!? You know I fucking deploy then". It's not that harsh verbally, but it's pretty close.

This is his addicty MO to get what he wants. He already knew when he wanted to meet this guy. He asked me to give him a good time to conduct this meeting, yet anything I suggested was shot down with an excuse as to why it wouldn't work. This was him hoping & praying I'd eventually say "hey babe, I've got Monday night available, why don't you have a 5 hour dinner with some person I've never met before to discuss our family's future", because he can't grow a pair & ask/communicate/be honest with me. When I didn't say what he was wanting to hear, he picked a fight. Or, he at least gaslit my ass enough I retaliated. Either way, he got his wants met & threw his family to the wolves.

Oh! The best part?!? As he's telling me about this meeting he had, he says he was honest with his old boss as far as him & I aren't doing so well & he was unsure if now was a good time to switch paths career wise. My husband continues to tell me how much this guy understood about my need to feel safe & "taken care of" & that's when I politely say hold the fuck up, what do you mean this random guy I've never met before wants to make sure I am "taken care of". Back that bus up.

I asked him again what in the world this statement meant & get this you guys, he tells me He can't say because it's a surprise; some kind of secret fucking weird surprise that this guy is going to accommodate for me to "relax". Not weird at all & totally cool of my addict husband to say/do, after a 48 hour MIA from his family "because I made him leave". What kind of hell am I in?

That's it. I'm writing a book. You can't make this crap up

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