If I accept the fact that my relationships are here to make me conscious, instead of happy, then my relationships become a wonderful self mastery tool that keeps realigning me with my higher purpose for living. ~Eckhart Tolle I have been thinking quite a bit lately on relationships and the role our animal instincts and conscious decisions have on how we view and act regarding them because there isn't a day that goes by where I don't see at least five back and forth arguments from males and females on why divorce is on the rise and why society seems to be moving in the wrong direction when it comes to partnership. These arguments range from women are inherently gold diggers to men are born cheaters and everything in between. As I watch these diatribes from the sidelines with my popcorn and silently judging, I can't help but think most everyone is missing the mark on the root cause of failed relationships; we are socially conditioned, unconscious animals.
Our families, society, and peers have conditioned our hearts and minds causing us to unconsciously view and evaluate the world we live in without having to make any conscious decisions. Our minds are already made up on how we see things due to past experiences and the influences all around us. Mom and dad did it, so I'll do it, too. So-and-so guru on Twitter said I need to spin plates before I commit, so that's what I'll do. My friend says not to date this type of guy, so I'm not going to.
Here's the thing, humans really value romance and relationships. We have been conditioned to want to feel loved by another person. We have been conditioned to follow in our ancestors footsteps and get married, have 2.5 kids, a white picket fence, and call it a day. All of these things are so natural, so expected, because we see it work, for the most part, over and over again and because when we see something work, we don't have a need to question it. As long as we are focusing on getting to the "final level" (marriage), who cares what it's purpose is or what comes after that final level is completed?
Coinciding with our very conditioned beliefs about relationships is our animalistic nature, our primal bodies full of instincts, hormones, and neurotransmitters just waiting to procreate. We have an innate urge to have offspring, it's built inside of us. You might think you don't want kids but would the animal that lives deep inside of you think the same thing?
When you combine our unconscious conditioning with our natural animal instincts you come up with the current demise of relationships in modern day society. Why? Because we have forgotten our sense of purpose. We have become a society of selfish wants and conditioned beliefs and this has overshadowed the very purpose of a relationship: coming together with another to grow, to expand in all ways more than we could alone.
Unconscious conditioning will lead you into a relationship full of personal gratification because it has been drilled into our reptilian brains that value is determined by marriage, money, and children; we don't know how to grow with another person only that another person boosts our worth. Inevitably, you and your partner will get to a point where the honeymoon is over and you find yourselves spending more time working on keeping the union together rather than allowing it to grow. This is the catalyst for losing your identity, a sense of who you are, because you are spending all of your energy trying to emulate what your parents had or what you saw on t.v. Your animalistic drive is screaming for you to procreate so you eventually give in to that primal calling and have your 2.5 children. You learn quickly this solved nothing and continue to focus on changing yourself so that you can "work" on this marriage and "be" the partner that would make your mate happy, not realizing that because you have been conditioned and are only doing what society told you to do, your marriage was doomed from the start.
It is imperative that we as a society start becoming conscious of ourselves and our relationships and the purpose of them. To start focusing on growing together -emotionally, physically, and spiritually- and step outside of this conditioned, unconscious box we've been put in. Remaining conscious when entering a relationship lets you have total awareness of your emotions, behaviors, and what you say. When you enter a relationship unconsciously and conditioned, you know not what you say and have little to no awareness of your actions and reactions, you just do as you've seen or been told to do.
Transcend beyond your ego and become alert as to the purpose of your relationship. Allow for personal growth of yourself and partner so that you can consciously grow together. Together, finding a higher meaning to life is the true purpose of a relationship, not following in your parents footsteps or trying to mimic what you see on social media. Break the conditioning and become conscious.