Viewer discretion: I would not advise reading and then having a conversation with another human being within 30 minutes after finishing this email. Cake gets raw this week and it's an absolute mess.
Believe it or not, all of us at Aion are very human and go through some very human cycles of pain and grief. While we do not choose to stay on the carousel of pity and sadness by doing the hard work of inner reflecting and soul searching, we are not immune to some down times in our lives.
I find it nauseating sometimes when I see others all "I've healed! I know all of the secrets! I see rainbows and unicorns and I'm not going to let you know that I stumble, so here is my perfect email about how perfect my perfect life is! IT'S PERFECT, OK, AND YOURS CAN BE TOO IF YOU FOLLOW THESE STEPS AND PAY ME $29.99."
*insert side eye emoji*
You see, what I like about Aion and the group I work with is that we are real. We don't sugarcoat anything. Yes, most of us have taken control of our own lives through digging out of the trenches of hell by facing our demons but that doesn't stop those demons from randomly appearing. They will appear in us, and you too, whenever they damn well please and mine have risen like the jerks that they are, and because I have done some inner healing I'm able to identify why and how to put their leash back on them.
Here's how *I* will do this; writing. Putting it all out there, all of my wounds and all of my triumphs.
Yesterday was my wedding anniversary. If you don't know my story, the shortened version is this: I was horribly betrayed and violated so I filed for divorce last November. It's been a year of absolute hell spent in the Family Court system trying to not only protect myself and children, but to stand up for us, as well. It has been a year of unending trials and tribulations, of digging to the bottom of my energy reserve just to get through one more day, and of more internal growth than I ever imagined. Regardless of how much I have done to rise above the hand I was dealt, I didn't expect to be so overcome by emotions on my exaversary (my now null and voided wedding anniversary). Fortunately, I journaled my journey and it's times like these when I'm confused and wraught with emotion, that I am so thankful I did. It gives me a clear reference point to where I was and where I am now. This is why I always suggest journaling *hint, hint*. Below, I have posted what I wrote last year on my wedding anniversary, after filing two weeks prior. I weep for the girl that wrote this but after reading it, I couldn't help but feel a calm come over me and a tiny smile form. I want to hug this girl and say Just keep doing what you're doing because you are going to have big things going for you if you choose to keep being a soldier. Where I was last year at this time and where I am now is nothing short of hard work and lots of faith. If you take anything away from this email let it be this, never give up. Become your own warrior. If you do, the pain will come and go but you will be miles ahead of the others who couldn't find it in them to become something, anything more than a soulless nothing.
7 years ago today.
You prepared to say your vows before God, family, friends, & spirits. You drifted in and out of sleep, finding comfort in the fact that your soul was about to become intertwined with someone who you truly thought loved you. You didn't realize 7 years ago that some people have distorted views of love at no fault of their own.
Your wedding dress, hanging in the closet. You imagined how breathtaking you would look the next day.
You were about to marry your true love.
How devastating it turned out as it has. Tomorrow, you will not answer the obligatory 'Happy Anniversary' calls/texts from oblivious family/friends. You will not open any cards addressed to you both as a married couple; you know their contents would bring you to your knees.
Most noted, tomorrow's date will forever remind you that you loved unconditionally. You loved with everything in you. You meant & believed in your vows.
Devastating. The addiction won & you feel worthless.
However, you wouldn't change a thing. Only those in your shoes would understand.
Do not become your own worst enemy. Work hard to repair your faults. Put selfishness aside. Be grateful for the person standing beside you. You will destroy a human & their idea of love for eternity if you don't.
Hoo boi. That felt good. Thank you for letting me vent, reel in my demons, and share this. Cake is going to keep on climbing that mountain, rejuvinated.